You know what I’m still doing?

Yep. Editing.

This is a tireless and frustrating project, similar to those scenes in old horror movies where the hallway stretches out in front of the subject. Sometimes they try to run, but no matter how hard they push themselves forward, the evil spirit always manages to make the hallway too long for them to get to the end of.

That’s me. I’m essentially the mom in Poltergiest.

I have been working on this damn thing for too long. After 8 years of sweating and crying and working tirelessly on this, I have to spend another 8, it seems, re-editing it and re-working it and re-crying over it. My new fear is that after all the blood, sweat and tears, I will self publish this, and nobody will care. The advertising part of this scares me the most, because I don’t have enough confidence in myself to advertise all of my talents and not feel like a pretentious ass. Even telling people that I am a writer makes my shattered self esteem go tell me to fuck myself. But I am smart enough, I suppose, to know that the only people who will give a crap about this are my writer friends, unless I try to make a big deal about advertising it.

I’m just afraid that after all of this, people won’t like my work.

But for now, it is back to the editing. I’m getting through 2 pages a day, at the very least. Sometimes I am feeling productive and push through a few more pages, but most of the time, I can reach my 2 page minimum without the words on the page getting all blurry. It is better than nothing though.



One Response to “Editing.”

  1. Victoria Higgins Says:

    I share your aversion to self-hype. It seems to me that the more I care about a given project – the more deeply ME it is – the harder it is to promote. However………………….. I don’t have any qualms about singing the praises of other creative people that inspire me with their work. That being said, there is something that artist like you and I can do for each other. You can count on me to spread the word once the final product is ready!

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