Archive for the Bleep My Boss Says Category


Posted in Bleep My Boss Says on November 20, 2012 by deifiedplum

So, folks, I believe that this is going to be my last post with Bleep My Boss Says.  I almost feel saddened that there are no more torturous incidents to report, but when all is said and done, I’m obviously incredibly thankful that I am out of that place.  It made me sick with worry, it made me hate my life.  Being able to write about what was happening to me, however, was a huge help for my broken psyche.  So thanks to all who bothered to read my stuff, and laugh and how horrible Tweedle Dim and Dum Sum were to me.  I’m sure that this page will have other stories straggling in, stupid stuff I’ve heard other bosses say, but my weekly posts will be ending today.  Its one of the reasons I decided to consolidate all of my other stuff.  Even though Bleep is over, I still have plenty of crap for people not to read on the site.  So..with that, I have one final story for you.  I was taking my kid over to the sitter for the day so I could head off to work.  When I got to her house, I looked at the clock and realized that I had somehow messed up, and my shift had started almost an hour ago.  That seemed to be the breaking point for me.  I hate being late for things, and being late for something I hate so much was too much for me.  I called work and told the first person that picked up that I was sick and couldn’t come in that day.  And I never bothered going back.  By that point, I was already working a second job, and only going to this place on the weekends.  I tried going back, I really did.  The money was great there and I figured I’d have plenty more stories to add to the site, so I called to get my schedule.  The first time I called, the hostess sounded nervous, like she expected me to yell at her, and told me to call back.  I called back, and was put on hold for 20 minutes when they realized who it was.  The next day I texted 3 co-workers and none of them responded.  It was like I no longer existed to them.  I could have driven to work, but it was a 45 minute drive away, and I didn’t know if I even still had a job there.  So driving 45 minutes to check my schedule and find out I had been canned didn’t seem worth it to me at all.  Everybody there had pretty much already signed my death certificate, so I didn’t have much hope in the situation.  I finally got a hold of Tweedle Dim Sum, after calling non stop for a week.  This, ladies and gentlemen, was the final conversation between she and I.

Me: Hi, I’m sorry I didn’t make it into work Saturday.  I was wondering if you could give me my schedule.

Tweedle Dim Sum: (Long dramatic pause) You come here to get it.

Me: I live 45 minutes away though.  Can you please just give it to me over the phone?

Tweedle Dim Sum:  You want it come get it.

Me: Can you at least tell me if I still have a job?

Tweedle Dim Sum:  No.

Me: I don’t have a job?

Tweedle Dim Sum:  I not telling you.

Me:  You do realize that this is completely immature right?

Tweedle Dim Sum: (Click.)

And that was how I got fired and quit at the same time!


What Do You Want From Me?

Posted in Bleep My Boss Says on November 14, 2012 by deifiedplum

When I’m at work, I like to sing.   It keeps my brain occupied and lifts my spirits, which is important considering I have verifiable proof that I work in one of the seven layers of hell.  I also have no shame and I sing loudly.  I was singing away one afternoon while making change for a customer when I feel someone breathing on my back.

Tweedle Dum Sum: What are you doing?

Janet Jackson: I’m getting change-

Tweedle Dum Sum: No stupid. You singing.

Janet Jackson: Oh, yes I am. (I turn around and continue to sing.)

Tweedle Dum Sum: This make you sound crazy.

Janet Jackson: Why?

Tweedle Dum Sum: Because crazy people talk to themselves!

This wouldn’t necessarilybe a big deal, but later on that night I overheard her singing an Adam Lambert song, loud enough to start getting complaints from some of the customers!

Lead By Example

Posted in Bleep My Boss Says on October 30, 2012 by deifiedplum

The other day I was told to clean the high chairs.  It was something I had yet to get the chance to do, so I did my best.  I grabbed a bucket of hot soapy water and a rag and wiped them all clean.  Tweedle Dim Sum came to me shortly after I finished the last chair, and stared disapprovingly at them.

Tweedle Dim Sum:  Why you can’t do anything right, stupid girl?

Sally Struthers: I thought I did okay.

Tweedle Dim Sum:  You come back now I show you how to do them.

She took me back into the kitchen, where she showed me the proper way to clean the high chairs.  She did one, and demanded that I do the rest.  After I cleaned them all, I stacked them up, putting hers on top.  She came to check on my work a few minutes later.

Tweedle Dim Sum:  You still do these wrong! You are a terrible employee!

She was looking at the chair that she had personally cleaned, eyeing with disgust.  I couldn’t help myself.

Sally Struthers:  You know the one you’re looking at is the one you cleaned, right?

Tweedle Dim Sum:  You standing there make it look ugly!

I didn’t realize I had that kind of effect on furniture.

Esteem Destroyer

Posted in Bleep My Boss Says on October 23, 2012 by deifiedplum

I was working a lunch shift when the dinner hostess called and said she couldn’t come in.  I generously offered to work as a hostess that night, still naive enough to want to impress Tweedle Dim Sum.  Caroline, the lunch hostess offered to let me borrow her dress shirt so I could look a little less haggard that night.  We grabbed Tweedle Dim Sum and cautiously asked her if the switch was okay, since Tweedle Dim Sum didn’t despise her and wish her a lifetime of suffering and ill will.

Tweedle Dim Sum: She can’t work as hostess. She no good at her own job.  She be terrible as hostess.

Caroline: She’ll be fine, don’t worry.

Tweedle Dim Sum: She has no clean clothes.  She look disgusting.

Caroline:  It’s okay, I’ll let her borrow my shirt.

Tweedle Dim Sum: She can’t do that.  She way too fat to fit in your shirt.

I gave up.  In the last 15 seconds, I had been called a fat disgusting shit employee.  I decided that an extra 30 bucks wasn’t worth being around this woman for an entire day.


Empty Spaces

Posted in Bleep My Boss Says on October 16, 2012 by deifiedplum

One morning, I was supposed to open the restaurant with Chris and Gary.  Chris called to tell us he gotten called to stand duty, as he was in the Army Reserves and was on constant call.  So it ended up just being Gary and I that morning.  We sped though our opening duties and got everything in good working order before we opened.  We were sweaty and tired but we managed to make it work, and we were both incredibly proud of ourselves.  Customers started coming in, and without any managers around, we decided to plan things out ourselves and split the restaurant in half.  Tweedle Dim Sum was late that day because she was in the process of buying new houses for 3 of her 4 daughters.  (The 4th was, she told us, was “too ugly for a house.”)  When she came in and saw the neat and orderly way we were handling things, she thought it best to wiggle her hands around and fuck everything up.

Tweedle Dim Sum: What is going on here?

Poodle: Chris couldn’t work today.  It’s just the two of us.

Tweedle Dim Sum: Who do you think you are?  You new manager now?  You in charge?  You make all decision?

Poodle: I-

Tweedle Dim Sum: You can’t just change seating chart.  You have E and F, Gary has C.

Poodle:  Then who has the other part of the restaurant?

Tweedle Dim Sum:  You make decisions now? You in charge? Nobody sit there today.

We changed everything around, and within half an hour, Tweedle Dim Sum herself was seating big parties in the ghost section.  The ghost section was filling up quickly, and Gary and I started discussing how we would divide them up.  Less than a minute after we began talking, Tweedle Dim Sum scurried in between us and nearly pressed her forehead into my chin, she was so close.

Tweedle Dim Sum: You have to go take those table!

Mind you, I was on the opposite side of the restaurant.  Gary was closer and, unlike my friend, actually had morals and kindness and stood up on my behalf.

Gary: Actually, since my section is closer, I’ll take them.

Tweedle Dim Sum: No!  She has to take them!  (This is followed by a moment of indecipherable Mandarin.)

I spent the rest of the day running from one side of the restaurant to the other, taking care of two thirds of the restaurant while Gary desperately tried to help.

Not worth the 40%

Posted in Bleep My Boss Says on October 3, 2012 by deifiedplum

Tweedle Dum Sum was checking our our receipts from the shift the night before.  She walks up to me while I’m at a table and does this.

Tweedle Dum Sum: What does this say? (She shoves a receipt in my face.  The bill was 108.00 and they left me a 40.00 tip.  It was incredibly generous, and I remember the family clearly.)

*&^%: Yes, they left me a 40.00 tip.  It was a really nice family of 5.  They seemed to really like me.

Tweedle Dum Sum: This can’t be right.  You not good enough to get big tips. (She melodramatically crossed the 0 off of the 40 and walked away)

*&^%: (To my table) Well, that was interesting.

Despite her trying to change it, Tweedle Dum Sum was unable to take that tip away from me.  On top of that, when the table I had left that night, they had given me a 50.00 tip, with the note, “You DO deserve big tips” Written on the bottom!  Tweedle Dum Sum never said anything to me about it, but I wish I could have at least seen her face.

Well, its nice to see you again too.

Posted in Bleep My Boss Says on September 26, 2012 by deifiedplum

I had been working at the restaurant for about 6 months.  For the previous 2, Tweedle Dim Sum was gone, running various errands for the 10 or so businesses she owned.  Tweedle Dum Sum, by this point, had unfortunately become someone I could no longer make fun of on this site.  She was being decent for some reason, which put quite a damper on my anecdote production.  Tweedle Dim Sum showed up unexpectedly one afternoon.  She seemed pleasant.  She was smiling and talking to some of her other most hated employees in a way that suggested that one of her “errands” was reaching enlightenment. Her English had much improved, and I could now understand nearly every other word she was speaking.  After having a 15 minute conversation with her second most hated employee, he came up to me, beaming.

Chris: Well, she’s being nice to me.  Apparently, something great must have happened to her.  Go talk to her.  She hates you the most.  If she’s nice to you, then we will know for sure that she has gotten better.

At this point, I had given up completely on the job, and abandoned all hope that these crazy people would ever grow to like me.  I was sticking around this hell hole for my own sick amusement, and I decided to bravely approach her, my best shit eating grin smeared across my face.

Lemonjello: Hey, boss lady.

Tweedle Dim Sum looked at me with one of her eyes, her lips and jaw clenching and releasing, like she was gnawing on a rock.

Tweedle Dim Sum: You have to seat the customer when they come in!  You can’t just sit back here do nothing!  It make you look so lazy!  Do your job!

And off she went.

Now, this would have been a valid reason for her to yell at me, if any of the following factors existed.

A) We had any customers waiting

B) We didn’t have a hostess.

C) Seating customers was actually my job, or

D) I wasn’t actually busy getting drinks for my table when she approached me.  I had a full section and was clearly busy.

Turned out her happiness only went as far as she could see, which was not very far at all.